Dennis
by katyrayanne
Summary: Dennis reflects on his older brother... Done to My Right Versus Yours, by The New Pornographers.


Dennis.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.**

_Under your wheels, the hope of spring_

I couldn't stop that numb feeling consuming me at the funeral. I didn't cry, I didn't think at all. I could hear people talking to me, shaking my hand, but I just couldn't bear to feel any of it.

I could see his friends, I could see Mum, sobbing with Dad, but I couldn't look at the casket.

I felt that horrible dread fill my stomach as I walked toward it. I couldn't see him like this, he would hate it. He didn't like being ogled at; he never did, even when we were kids. He always let me have all the attention. I loved that about him.

He always talked to me; rather he let me talk about me. It was always about other people for Collin, never himself. He was the one behind the camera, always let other people be the stars.

_  
Mirage of loss, a few more things_

_You left your sorrow dangling_

_It hangs in air like a school cheer_

I have wondered since that day if I had passed up my last chance to say good bye.

I wonder if I should have sucked it up. Should I have looked at him then, dead, in a coffin?

I didn't want to have to remember him like that. He would have been pale, and... Well, dead. He _couldn't_ be dead. Collin was going to live forever, he told me once; I remember I was afraid, he was leaving for school. I wasn't going to see him for _months_. I was so scared he would get on that train and never come back, that he would get hurt. Collin was always getting hurt, walking into things, tripping on nothing.

_  
Complex notes inside the chords  
On every wall inflections carved  
Deep as lakes and dark as stars  
Remember we were the volunteers_

I found his pictures yesterday.

I was amazed because none of them were of him. He took pictures of everything, even more than I thought. There are pictures of girls walking around the lake, laughing. Pictures of the teachers at the head table, all of them, Dumbledore and Snape too. At least half of them are of Harry Potter.__

Courts knew this and nothing more  
Now it's my rights versus yours

When Collin got his Hogwarts letter, he couldn't have been more excited. We thought it was a joke at first, "Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry".

And then McGonagall came.

And then Collin got his books. The bloody books.

He spent all summer reading those books. He stayed in his room for days at a time.

That was, until he read about Harry Potter. It was all he talked about for weeks! _"Harry Potter's his name! He was a baby, a _year old_, when he beat You-Know-Who! You're not supposed to say his name, that's how bad he was!" "And guess what? He goes to Hogwarts!"_

It was about all he talked about in his letters too. _"I met Harry Potter! He's so nice! I tried to get his autograph, but some prick named Draco Malfoy came and ruined it!"_

I cried when he got on the train. I tried not to around him, but when I did, he hugged me and he said he'd send me a picture of Harry Potter.__

Under your wheels, your hopeless reign  
You fall too hard—we're up too late  
We hang suspended from the heights  
Until it's safer to walk here

I couldn't believe when I got my letter. I was a wizard too! I would get to see Collin all the time!

He was so happy, he told me all about Hogwarts, everything he'd been afraid to tell me incase I wasn't a wizard. We bought a cake to celebrate, chocolate, Collin loved chocolate. Half way through dinner he started babbling about how Harry Potter loved Treacle Tart, whatever that was.

I told Collin how nervous I was, he listened while I talked about how I thought no one would like me, he told be about how people picked on Muggle Borns. Would they do that to me? Would they beat me up like the bullies at school?

Collin got angry then; I never told him about the bullies, I didn't want him to think I was a wimp like everybody else did. He told me that I would never see those people again, that I would have loads of friends once we were at Hogwarts. He told me he'd introduce me to Harry Potter, they were great friends, he said.__

Under your wheels, your chance is with  
The easy call, the called-off search  
The medicine, it still won't work  
But there's dangerous levels of it here

He sat with me on the train, he waved off his friends at the platform and practically dragged me onto the train, I think he was more excited than I was.__

Same thing as the other time  
But now it's your rights versus mine

I couldn't believe how beautiful Hogwarts was. Collin had said it was amazing, but this was unreal.

I couldn't believe I was being lead by a man who was about six times my height. I was always a little nervous on boats; there was no place to move. I couldn't help but be a little more than excited as I saw Hogwarts for the first time.

I squealed and jumped at the sight of it, it was so huge! Better than Collin ever described it!

I remember the water was freezing, but I didn't care! I was at Hogwarts! The giant man, Hagrid, pulled me out. He gave me his funny coat.__

The truth in one free afternoon  
The truth in one free afternoon

I saw Collin right away when I came into the Great Hall, I don't know how I did, there were so many people and it was so amazing! But there he was, grinning madly.

I mouthed to him that I fell in the lake, and he never spot smiling. He pointed to a black haired boy sitting near him and mouthed back, _"Harry Potter!"_

__

Under my wheels the chance is held  
Gave me to save me from myself  
Spectacles painted with my shaking hand

Collin never gave me the chance to get lost; he was always there in the morning, waiting for me in the common room. He would sit with me at breakfast, and walk me to my class no matter where it was, I think he was late almost everyday.__

Fingers in paints, in paints we brought  
Thinking we'd leave them when we're not  
Flying the flags of new empires in rags

When Collin told me we were going to get lessons from Harry Potter, I was ecstatic. The Harry potter, teaching me! I couldn't believe it, I never got a chance to talk to Harry much, he was always with those other two, Ron and Hermione.

When Collin and I walked into that creepy bar, I was incredibly frightened. But there was Collin, still beaming. We saw Harry a booth, he looked as nervous as I was!

_  
The new empire in rags  
The truth in one free afternoon  
A new empire in rags  
The truth in one free afternoon_

I was dead tired as we were forced to walk down to the Great Hall; it was late, what was going on?

Collin found me on the way out, he still had a black eye from those damn Carrows. He said something about Death Eaters and Harry Potter. He said there was an attack, that's what McGonagall had told him.

I stood next to him in, holding onto his robe anxiously as we were told to evacuate. That underage wizard weren't allowed to stay.

I tried to pull him along, but he stayed put, "Come on, Collin!"

He still didn't, move, he looked at me a moment before saying, "Dennis, I'm going to meet you there. I need to... Well, I need to do something."

I knew him too well, "Collin. Collin, you aren't staying?"

He shook his head, hugged me quickly and whispered, "I'll meet you there." I barely heard him.

_  
A new empire in rags  
The truth in one free afternoon  
A new empire in rags  
The truth in one free afternoon_

I couldn't see him anywhere. We were all waiting in the room where we used to have DA meetings, it was different now, but that wasn't important, _where_ was Collin?

Somebody ran head long into me, shoving me out of the way, as he made his way to the front; it was Zacharias Smith, big surprise there. __

Under your wheels, the fits and starts  
The time to dabble in the arts

I felt someone shoving me into the passage, it was a teacher. I looked around again.

"Go!" someone urged me.

I still hesitated, "But-"

"Just go!"

I will always regret walking into that tunnel.

_  
To tease the packs of dogs in charge  
But kid it's always still me_

The last words Collin ever said to me echo over and over again. I can still feel his arms around me; him pushing me out of the Hall.

I'm crying now, I'm looking at his picture again. I see Harry Potter's face over and over, and I can't help but resent him. If he hadn't come back, Collin would still be here! I know that's not fair, but I can't help it. How can he walk around alive while Collin is dead? How can I?__

Under your wheels, the hope of spring  
Mirage of loss, a few more things  
The medicine it still won't sing  
But there's dangerous levels of it here

I think back to the funeral. I wonder if I ought to have said something, if I should have said good bye...

I'm not ready for that. I'm not ready to believe that I won't see Collin again, that he won't walk me to the dungeons early in the morning, then sprint back up the stairs. I can't stand thinking that he isn't going to chase after Harry Potter with a camera again. __

Your rights over my rights now  
We came to the right place

_Your rights over my rights now  
Your rights over my rights now_

It's so unfair that he's gone.

It's so unfair that he's not going to flash his camera in my face anymore, that he wont tell me to come through the door again so he can get a good shot; I'm never going to forgive myself for telling him to bugger off.

__

We came to the right place  
Your rights over my rights now  
Your rights over my rights now


End file.
